hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
