and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Houston, we have a squirter
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
