dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
