Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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