Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
