I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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