I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
We left the knife in your bed.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
