I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
