Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
