I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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