Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
