I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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