How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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