just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I just found a bag of teeth...
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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