this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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