Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
