I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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