A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
not ubering you a puppy
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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