just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Randomize
