I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
