im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
