almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
