i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
he fucked my hip out of place.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
