it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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