My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
