The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
