Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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