How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
please don't ironically join a cult
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