His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
