So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
