A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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