Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
sarcasm needs its own font
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
