Non-Jews are for practice
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
