he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Randomize
