He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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