you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
This is classic penis vs brain.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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