i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
