People with herpes should wear stickers.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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