Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
