I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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