I look better un-naked...
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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