Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
