btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
If I die, sorry about rent.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
