dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Someone shattered a urinal.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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