When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
