I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
