U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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