how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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