Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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