I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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