do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I love you. Go after that dick
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
