I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
