just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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