how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I can't put those talents on a resume
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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